Your a god and I am not...

Well I found LimeWire... Very happy chicken clucking here in my room and I found an old time favourite of mine...

I cant remember who it applied to and cant remember why I was so obsessed about this song or him when I was younger but when I heard it , it made the feeling of hurt, disappointment and self worthlessness strike back like a sharp pin into that little place under my left rib that I call my heart.

I remember feeling so insecure and lost when he walked into a room and everything around me slowed down to an abnormal pace, my heart used to literally skip a beat.

I remember the feeling when I stood in front of the mirror all made up knowing in my head I was going to tell him how I felt. The bravery and almost contentness that I felt thinking that the feeling was the same for me and I was about to fall deeply in love and be happy with this man for all eternity.

I cant remember what the lips of this person looked like when he starting talking or his eyes that looked at me like I was reciting a hilarious joke when they told me the feeling wasnt mutual while his mates laughed in the background that I was being shot down on the try line but I remember filling up with the colour red with embarressment and looking around hoping a massive tsunami would break and wash me away. The tsunami came in another form that night when tears drenched my pillows and I realised that "he was a god and I wasnt".

I am pretty sure knowing my habits that this song would have been my theme tune like something out of Bridget Jones Diaries while I told my parents I hated them, gorged on melted cheese and drank coffee and smoked cigarettes by the box and contemplated how my life would carry on ticking over now that my future was no longer with this man that was "destined" to be my soul mate.

But as with life things get better and people get stronger, change and pick up the pieces. I cant remember his name, cant remember why I adored him, even now , I have written this blog about him and he hasnt been the star of it. My emotions have . He never deserved my attention
He never deserved my affection, he never deserved my adulation. I am so glad that he never stroked my hair, kissed my lips or stared into my eyes with love.

I've got to be honest
I think you know
We're covered in lies and that's OK

There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say
Never again no
No never again [Chorus]'

Cause you're a god
And I am not
And I just thought
That you would know
You're a god
And I am not
And I just thoughtI'd let you go

But I've been unable
To put you down
I'm still learning things
I ought to know by now
It's under the table soI need something more to show somehow

Never again no
No never again [Chorus]

I've got to be honestI think you know
We're covered in lies and that's OK
There's somewhere beyond this I know
But I hope I can find the words to say

Never again no
No never again [Chorus]