I wish for a Healthy Relationship

I wish for a normal healthy relationship where I get a kiss goodbye on the way to work rather then my hair pulled and my wrist bruising when I board the train.

I wish for the evenings to be calm and quiet rather than screaming, swearing and crying,

I hate tip-toeing around the upstairs so I dont wake or irratate him in case I am sworn at.

I walk around with a horrible feeling in my stomach, some one is watching me, terrified he will arrive at my office and cause a scene, terrified he will misinterpret a smile between me and a friend.

I crave for some thing else. Something meaningful and loving, to be embraced by someone who doesnt bully me into doing things.

It never used to be like this. I always used to have the control , the freedom but as time has gone by , its got harder and I have got more and more scared and now I feel powerless and weak. I hate this feeling.

Yahoo Answers peeps were very kind to assist me in a little project... I read a blog today about GRATITUDE WEDNESDAY... I think its an amazing concept! Absolutely amazing... so relying on ol' faithful Yahoo answers.. here were some of the results that came through ..

• My wife and family.
• Things that I am grateful for... My childrenMy husbandMy familySupportive friendsOur troopsFreedomHugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel
• Im thankful for my health and my familys health.
• Here are some of my favorite things:Gummy BearsMeatballsJessica SimsponSmiles
• Being aliveEatingWe live in a Democracy
• for being alive,seeing,hearing,your arms your legs,your feet ,your mom grandparents friends,relatives,a roof over your head food in your mouth clothes on your back a job,having a sane mind,anything that you have we should be thankful
• My wife, my family/friends, my beautiful nieces and nephew, my job, my musical career, having a home, art/music/comic books,Gibson guitars, that my health isn't too terrible, vintage records, good food, fast food, JR "Bob" Dobbs, Natalie Portman, television, rock and roll.
• Living Loving Laughing the sun the moon the birds everything even the trials that are thrown our way as we go threw life because those help us grow as a person be thankful for every day you have your not gauranteed anouther one
• its different for everybody, put some thought into it .... start with life and those dear to you, things that are irreplacable
• We'll for me it would be a roof over my head, a beautiful and smart daughter, motivation to stay in school, a good job, a working car, my good health, food to eat, helpful and considerate friends, a family that respects my opinions, and my ability to love others.
• having a husband and my son and a roof oover our heads, and a loving parents sister brother and my grandma and engouh money to live on.
• i think that each day is a gift to share with others! nature... is one that we need to take better care of... friends and family. Music, the arts of expression, freedoms to yourself. laughter, tears, emotions that make us human.
• everything...smell, touch,sight,sound,taste,grass,... kids,family,love,work, troops(god bless), america, worship(if your into that), trust,understanding, peace(if you have it),school, medicine(if you need it), boyfriends or girlfriends, food,freedom(to do what you want), laughter...just be grateful for being alive
• For my lifeFor having the greatest parents, husband, children, in-laws and friends.For being able to have the greatest opportunity of meeting all the people that I have met so far and come to know.For my home, my car, and my job.For the type of people that I get to work with day in and out.For the great friends my children have made and that they watch over them when I'm not around.For the teachers that mold and mend my child's mind.For the church that spiritually guide and heal us.For the sun, moon and rain.For my pets that bring great joy to our lives.For the plants that we plant for growing under our care.For the postal person for getting our mail to us and delivering it for us.For TV, music and DVD/VHS.For the computer that brings me endless nightsFor Yahoo Answers and the people that come here for my education in things I never even contemplated beforeFor the clothes I wearFor the food I eatFor the bed I'm about to go to sleep in.
• Alive (to be)BreathChild (for myDadExperiencesForgivenessGodHomeIntegrityJobKnowledgeLoveMarriageNeverending (love that God has for me)Open (that I am open minded)PeacefulnessQuirks (i love my silly little quirks)RedemptionSaviourToleranceUnderstandingVoiceWisdomX's (glad they are ex's)Youthfulness

Anyone else got any to add?

Well done Whittas!

"The shit has officially hit the fan. It's official. Our favorite crack comeback queenWhitney Houston is divorcing Bobby Brown. They were married for 12 years but Whitney apparently has had enough. Yesterday sources were reporting left and right that Whit filed for legal separation and is in the process of filing for divorce. I knew it was coming-but damn. It's the same feeling as when you knew damn well Hov and Nas would eventually grow up and mend their beef, but when they actually did it you were surprised as all hell. "


I personally am thrilled, coming from a girl who had her first kiss to a Whitney Houston song Many many moons ago with a guy named Bruce Cronje.. should have been Bruce Cring...errr...
I got a lot of love for this woman and am soooo glad she is back to her old self... Hunny, doubt you would read a meaningless little bloggers message like me ... but well done Girl... you can pick up the pieces and let us all enjoy your voice and karma again baby girlx

From this.....





















To this.....















And now finally back to this...

The Sun Diminishes My Hope...

Unlike others - I thoroughly enjoy my commute in the morning - a born people watcher... I love faces, wrinkles, smiles, crazy/normal behaviour, class differences.. it all makes the world interesting...

I enjoy watching the hungover people (normally aged 20 - 35 ) gulp their coffees full of sheer dehydration with pale, clammy, shaking hands....

I enjoy watching the faces woman pull when they are reading their new Danielle Steele book and even sometimes seeing the odd tear shed from their freshly make-upped eyes...

I enjoy seeing tired, workaholics dozing off and sitting up with a fright at every single stop on the way to London...

The odd snore and then the embarressed expression realising that they arent still snuggled up in their 5 bedroom house in Tring covered in a snuggly duvet...

And my personal favourite - the two that have been admiring each other from afar... The small smiles, the coe grins, little waves and knowing looks ... I wait with baited breathe for the day that they talk to each other - hopefully I am there to witness the trials and tribulations... *dum de dum* ... next week on "THE COMMUTE" ... oooo... I feel a new post coming on! lol...

And that brings me to.... THE SUN... now I am the first to pick it up, pay 35p for the biggest load of CRAP ever and read it with shock, smiles and laughter... whizz my way through the crossword obviously made for the Vicky Pollards of the world and Hemelites... (read next post) lol...

But todays front page.. An Aids ridden dodgy Zimbabwean... Arg! MAKES ME SOOO ANGRY... Firstly as a Zimbabwean that the moron clearly, should never have been given a job, never allowed in this country, never slept with any of the woman in this country and should not be allowed to tarnish the names of every other Zimbabwean (black or white) out there... Photos of him holding a Bud, red eyes and a woman slumped all over him. It makes me sick... It makes me angry that woman would have unprotected sex with a man from Africa - especially Zimbabwe - with the highest Aids rate in the world... It makes me angry the Sun tells people... I hope that he rots in hell, I hope that the woman who now have contracted HIV get help but also take the necessary precautions not to spread the disease and to let the previous people who they too have infected are told and take the precautions.. I can go on for hours about Aids and the problem with immigrants (black, white, asian, chinese, heinz, birds eye, and all the other brands,nationalities, religions etc) not being checked on arrival into the UK but I will choose not to in fear of chasing away potential buddies on Blogger...

BTW I am an immigrant ... so I am in no way being racist or nasty - I would be happy to be tested IQ wise, health wise, or any other tests asked of me to stay or visit this country... its not offensive, its not nasty, its protecting the rights and welfare of this country...

So today...amidst the people watching , the smiles, office jokes, I am disturbed, my hopes diminished and saddened by The Sun....

BitterSweet Symphony

* I suggest reading the lyrics and thinking deep about what your life holds for you - the good vs. the bad ... bitterness vs. sweetness .... and whether you are dwelling on the sadness, getting bitter and forgetting all the sweetness...

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'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
Your a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes youto the places where all the things meet yeah
No change,I can't change I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mould, I am here in my mould
But I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mouldNo, no, no, no, no
Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind,

I feel free now


But the airways are cleanand there's nobody singing to me nowNo change,I can't change I can't change,
I can't changeBut I'm here in my mould,
I am here in my mouldAnd I'm a million different people from one day to the nextI can't change my mouldNo, no, no, no, no
I can't change I can't change'
Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
Try to find some money, then you dieI'll take you down the only road I've ever been downYou know the one that takes youto the places where all the things meet yeahYou know
I can't change,
I can't changeI can't change,
I can't change
But I'm here in my mould,
I am here in my mould
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mouldNo, no, no, no, no
I can't change my mouldno, no, no, no, no,
I can't changeI'll take you down the only road I've ever been downI'll take you down the only road
I've ever been down(It justs sex and violence melody and silence)
(Been down)
(Ever been down)That you've ever been downThat you've ever been down